Dear Lord

Thank you for letting my family & I together this Christmas, and every Christmas before and that will follow.

Thank you for keeping us safe from harm and allowing us to be healthy. I know its the season for sickness and its effected me, my mom and my brother. But i thank you for allowing us to get better.

Thank you for my parents, they work so hard in giving us what they never had growing up. Mom works doubles often but still manages to cook and clean. Dad work so hard in providing us with the essentials. Please lead my dad in getting that promotion that he's been working so hard for. He deserves it. Give them both the strength that they need to keep doing what they are doing. You could have not given us better parents.

Thank you for my siblings. I am thankful that me and my sister's relationship getting better through the years. Please lead her to succeed in her academics as well as her career. Please watch over my little brother. He is my heart. He's growing up so fast, it breaks my heart not being at home to watch him grow. Please let us all be close as we are now, forever.

Thank you for our beautiful home and the food that we eat everyday. I realize that there are others less fortunate than us. Christmas time can be heartbreaking for some families, please watch over the less fortunate and give them something they can be happy about this Christmas even if it's just food and shelter.

Thank you for having Daniel in my life. I never knew I could love a person like that until i met him. These three years has been filled with rough times and great times, but more great times that i could remember. I hope that he sees me as an inspiration as much as I see him as one. Please give him happiness in his life and lead him to become successful in whatever he does. Its hard for him to find motivation so please lead him to see that he has potential to become great. He's so smart! give him the ability to use it for great things. Please let us have a great future together.

Lord, please let me be successful in both my personal and carer life. I want to be able to make my parents proud of me and i want to give them back what they have given me. I want to be able to take care of them as they took care of me all these years. They are my inspiration and my motivation to achieve success. Please, with your guidance help my goal become a reality.

Please watch over me as i finish my last semester of college. Guide me to the right path and help me make the right decisions. Lead me to land a great job that will provide greatly.

Thank you for opening my heart lord.

Thank you for another great Christmas.

Never again

Im done living with girls. Especially girls who are just very unfriendly who have bad personality's.

Im in a lose lose situation. You would think after never being in the apartment that there would be nothing wrong. But of course there is always something wrong.. even though it is something so small, it comes to the point where there are no words to be spoken. And by not speaking is the resolution to the problem. This irritates the hell out of me.

You think everything is going well and put effort into becoming someone's friends by talking to them, greeting them and seeing how there day was. But the result is shit. I thought everything would be ok this semester, but of course it isn't. Never with girls, anyway. Never with this person.

I need to get out. I do not need this in my life. The Ora of someone with drama consuming life can be felt around. Its uncomfortable. I am never going to see this person ever again, Im so stupid to have considered trying to become friends with somebody like that. Somebody who is not only a bad roommate but over all a bad person, weither think it or not. Im sorry to say but I'm glad boys are treating her like shit because shit is the way she treats people weither true friends or associate's. Props to those who can put up with her, but I certainly cant. I would never let someone who is a friend drop you like a dime or take advantage of your niceness and friendship.

Ive never disliked a person so much in my life.

chubs

today i was walking to my french class and i saw my friend. He comes up to me and say's, "hey chubs" and pinches my belly. Even though he says he was just joking i know there is always a truth behind jokes. So I go back to my boyfriends house told him what happened and i ask him if I gained weight. Of course he says no, but after scolding him of being too nice he finally says.. "ok, honestly? you did, but just a little bit on your stomach." i thanked him for being honest and layed down on the bed to think. I know and feel like ive gained a little weight. I sometimes eat to the point where i cant even move, like the other day. I need to get off my ass and start excersizing. i havent since the summer time and that was only like 3-4 times because i felt like a fatty sitting down all day. I need to start watching what i eat and not consume so much at the same time. My age is catching up to me! these wonderful genes that my parents gave me is not always going to last. Something needs to change. something!

ps. all i ate was soup and corn today.

finally, done with xanga.

Ive had xanga since highschool at the peak of the xanga craze. I think its time to move on and leap out of xanga into a more mature blogging site.. if that even makes sense. The only thing im contemplating about is if this blog should be public or not. Do I really want people reading about my personal life? I mean blogging is like a personal journal that you write before you go to bed or just whenever you need someone to talk to that doesn't talk back. Do you show your journal to someone? i think not. Eh, we will see in due time.

What am i thinking about right now? Ive been thinking about what Im going to be doing after college. My worst fear is not becoming successful. Not have a good paying job that i love.. or even with today's economy a job at all. Ive known this for a while but Im starting to regret... ok not regret but think twice on picking communications as a major just because its such a broad subject. Honestly, i only picked communications because it was the easiest degree i can get in order to graduate and make my parents get off my back. If i could do college all over again i would pick a more specialized degree like nursing or even business. I dont know, im so confused. I guess ive just been thinking alot about our failing economy. But..on the flip side, because communications is such a broad subject you are able to do many things. The only thing is that you have to look for what you want to do. I pray almost every night that I become successful in both my personal life and my career life. One thing that will help me is my strive and motivation to get what I want. That's helped me through so many things in my life. If I work hard for something I want, I usually get it. Ive decided that I am going to intern this summer just because Im going to stay for summer school anyway. I really need the experience, I have to start working my way up into my field and pick something that I am interested in doing because there are so many fields to pick from.

A job is only one thing that is on my plate that I am worrying about. Where am i going to end up after graduation is something I really have to think about as well. For one thing, I do not want to leave my boyfriend. I think if he can sacrifice staying in Hawaii to be with me, I can do the same for him because I love him and he's worth it. But, I am also thinking about my family. I can't afford to visit them twice a year anymore because i wont be on finacial aid anymore. Especially living in Hawaii, people who work here make 30% less then those who work in the mainland. With Hawaii's expensive cost of living, im not sure I am able to do that. That is why I am determined to find a great job in Hawaii. But, what if I find a good job somewhere else that pays more? What am i to do? I watch the Suzie Orman show because she's such a guru when it comes to finances. There was an episode where she said, those who are just coming out of college and are young have many years to find that perfect job. I might have to listen to her advice. If I end up staying in Hawaii it will only be for a couple of years until he graduates. I ultimatly will end up somewhere close to my family.

As I approach the ending of my adolesence Im beginning to feel bittersweet. Graduating is something I am looking forward to i wont have to deal with papers, homework and studying anymore but in the same sense Im sad because its pretty much goodbye my childhood. I do not know If Im ready to face reality yet, its just hitting me so fast, its scary. Im sure I am not the only one feeling this way. I wish everything was just layed out in front of me and I just pick which path I want to take. The future is so hazy but its also limitless. I know I can shape my future how I want it to if I make the right decisions and have the motivation. Knowing me, Im pretty sure I can do it but of course I know I will have thorns that I have to go through just like everyone else. So many decisions so little time.

Dear Lord, Please guide me on the right path in becoming successful in both my personal and career life.

Hows that for a first time blogger at blogger.com. haha.

Till next time, Nels